Attitudinally speaking

How is your attitude?

We all know people who seem to just be “upbeat”. These people smile – almost always. They seem to see only the positive in life. And they don’t verbalize criticism, even when criticism is right there for the verbalization.

How do they do it? Why?

 

 

I used to consider such people a bit superficial. Ok, maybe I didn’t feel that way about sunny people all the time but it sometimes did strike me as false, or at least a tad unobservant, that anyone could consistently maintain a positive view of the world when daily existence on the planet is regularly plagued by survival challenges, human shortcomings, and inexplicable ugliness. Good people suffer. Selfish ones thrive. Where was the balance? Why wasn’t there a more obvious correlation between intents, acts, and outcomes? Why didn’t our sunny fellow citizens see the unjust disconnect the same way I saw it?

I bet that you can think of someone who is a “steady smiler”, someone who is regularly able to see the positive in any situation, no matter how bleak. Someone who is kind. Someone who is sweet. Someone who doesn’t seem to display bitterness or satire or cynicism.

I’m thinking of a few such people right now. One of them may be you. I’m thinking about the mix of feelings I’ve had over the years for your and others’ behavior, feelings ranging from superiority, to puzzlement, to annoyance, and to inferiority. I’m thinking about the wonder that I now feel when I engage with you. I’m wanting to know more about how you are able to live the way that they do.

How do you do it?

Not too long ago, I asked one of you. The conversation went something like this:

Me: “You are always smiling!”

You: “So are you!”

Your reply stopped me. I definitely am not always smiling. Sometimes, especially during moments of concentration, I find that my brow is folded into a frown, rather than a display of focus. So why would you say that to me? Why would you tell me that I’m always smiling when I’m not?

Me (attempting to refocus the inquiry): “How do you manage to stay so positive?”

You (deflecting the refocus?): “Oh I’m not so positive sometimes.”

Me (still intent to pursue the line of inquiry): “Well you do a great job of hiding it. I’ve never seen you be negative. You are always so – joyful.”

You (smiling): “You’re so kind! I’ve always noticed that about you. You see the best in others.”

Me (fumbling in confusion): “Oh gosh. Hardly. That’s something I need to get better at. Really.”

You (your eyes flashing): “People like you inspire me – to be better. I’m so lucky to have your support.”

The exchange transitioned to another topic – probably at my initiation. You had unnerved me. Then one of us had to go. When we parted, I left with a sense of amazement. You were authentic. You truly seemed to believe what you said. And yet I hadn’t learned any more about how you were able to be so consistently positive.

Only later did it hit me: you had not told me how to be steadfastly positive. Instead you had showed me.  The secret was right there, in plain view.

Share what I can. Appreciate what others share with me. Let the rest of it go.

Let the rest of it go. 

It’s not easy to let things go. It is, however, a choice we have. On any given day, at any given moment, I can decide whether I will see your and my faults or whether I will enjoy our respective strengths and abilities. I can identify our shortcomings or I can marvel at – and be thankful for – our talents and opportunities. It is not superficial to appreciate the good in the world around us. It is, perhaps, our greatest blessing.

A glass that is half full of water can still refresh a parched throat. We should drink the available water. Then we should refill the glass, as best we can. So that someone else can be refreshed. So that we all can keep refilling the glass, for others.

Attitude is like the sun. Let it rise every day.