The woman in front of us didn’t know what she wanted. A colleague and I were talking, not paying much attention. There was no rush. The cafe had plenty of caffeine and sugar.
“You guys go ahead,” the woman said, stepping aside. “I need some more time.”
We told her we could wait but she insisted. So we thanked her and ordered. When I gave the barista my credit card, I leaned forward and quietly asked him to hold onto my card and charge the woman’s order on it.
There was no reason for me to pay; I didn’t know the woman and she didn’t appear to be in any distress. I just decided spontaneously to cover the cost of her coffee. Maybe she was a tourist. Maybe she lived locally. I had no idea, didn’t much care, and moved off to a table with my scone. My colleague and I fell into a work-related conversation. I lost track of time and the cafe goings-on.
You might think I was practicing randomly. Not at all. I look for opportunities to do something nice for someone, something unexpected. The unexpected part is the key. I don’t try to predict what I will do and when. But I do try to keep aware of chances to be kind. A smile. A gentle word. A good tip. A little bit of patience. There is nothing random about offering unexpected kindness when the decisions to do so are intentional.
Let’s be clear: I’m no saint. Most of the time I’m in my own little world. I am often impatient. I sometimes ignore what’s happening around me. Hence I miss all sorts of opportunities to recognize others – family, friend, or stranger – and help them feel better.
Which is all I am aiming to do: help someone feel better. In the process, I know that doing so will help me feel better as well. Because there is no doubt that my intentional acts of kindness, however small, have that result.
They also bring unexpected reciprocation. People return smiles. Their eyes light up. They nod and wave. They extend a hand to another person. They surprise me with their own intentionality.
Back in the cafe, the barista quietly returned my credit card to our table, my colleague and I finished our meeting, and we left. The woman wasn’t there. The cafe was now otherwise empty.
Later, it occurred to me that I hadn’t received a receipt with my credit card. Could I have been charged a lot more than I planned? Feeling slightly concerned, I decided to log-in online to my credit card account and see what the charge was. There was none, not even for the coffee and scone that my colleague and I had ordered. No problem; the cafe was probably delayed in submitting the charges. But the next day, there was no charge. And ten days later – still no charge.
The only explanation? The woman paid for our coffee and scone, not the other way around. Now that was unexpected! What’s a guy to do when his attempt to extend kindness rebounds with the exact same kindness?
Smile, I suppose. And look for even more chances to be non-random.