Don’t be afraid of fear

In the Wizard of Oz, the cowardly lion has a problem: he’s afraid. Of noises. Of other animals and people. Of the world around him. When’s the last time you heard of a scaredy-cat lion? Humfph. Lions aren’t afraid. Lions rule. Lions dominate.

Which is why lions – aside from our friend in the famous story – can’t have courage. Because in order to be courageous, you have to first have fear.

There is no shortage of things to make us afraid. For me, the list is sometimes pretty long. There are general fears for our world, about the planet, about social stability, about new epidemics. And there are specific fears for ourselves. Safety. Poor health. The safety and health of my family. Finding a purpose in life. Dying. Dying before I find a purpose in life.

Sometimes I startle, in the middle of the day or night, all senses firing. It’s like a switch has been flipped inside me. What was that noise? What happens if I flop in this presentation ? Have I been a good enough husband and father? Why can’t I be more selfless, more supportive of others? Am I living the life I was intended to live?

Last week, I bolted awake one night, around midnight. I smelled something. Usually, my sense of smell isn’t very good. We once had a smoldering chimney fire, with ugly smoke billowing out the chimney not far from the upstairs bedroom window, and I barely broke with slumber to respond to it.

Not this time. I jumped out of bed. The house was quiet; everyone and everything, including animals, was asleep. Smoke and carbon monoxide detectors were fine. There was no smoke. There was no smell. There was nothing awry. Still, I couldn’t go back to sleep, couldn’t relax unless someone else, someone else with a better sense of smell, confirmed that all was ok. I had been roused from sleep for a reason, surely. Could this be a premonition? Do people sometimes smell odd odors before something horrible happens? My heart began to race. I felt isolated. I needed human reassurance.

My wife responded to my gentle nudge. She sniffed. She got up and walked around too. She showed no sign of alarm. She said all was ok. We went back to bed. Eventually, I fell asleep.

I used to think that age would bring a certain fearlessness to life. Experience and maturity should reduce our frets and frights, should they not? Nope. With age, I’m learning that biology and time do not necessarily curb our concerns. In fact, years on the earth can actually increase our capacity for worry; our neurobiology can make us susceptible to anxious overreactions to situations and circumstances that previously did not faze us. We can become more aware of what could go wrong, sometimes without warning. Media presents an incessant cycle of dreads and woes through seemingly endless news stories and headlines. For all its potential, our technology is often a stimulus for fear, not a salve for it. We can feel bombarded with reasons to freak out.

That’s why it may be time to remember the lesson of the cowardly lion. Fear is not the problem. Fear is part of our lives. Being afraid of fear, letting fear grab hold of us and immobilize us, only makes it stronger. Being stronger ourselves – despite our fear – helps us control it. That’s what courage is. Being stronger than fear. Working through fear. Letting it pass through us.

That doesn’t mean we should face and try to overcome every fear; sometimes courage is the ability to leave a situation, the nerve to admit uncertainty, the boldness to appropriately avoid something – to not act – based on an assessment of the alignment of action and personal awareness.

It can take tremendous courage to say no – when everyone else says yes. It can take tremendous courage to face today – when yesterday was a disaster. It can take tremendous courage to admit a mistake – when such an admission may bring embarrassment or worse. It can take tremendous courage to laugh at ourselves – when we stumble and goof up.

At its essence, courage is about showing heart. The word actually derives from the same latin root for heart, the place where human feelings were originally felt to be centered. When we recognize fear, and we respond to it, we are, literally, the embodiment of courage.

So take heart! Be heart! Fear is normal. Courage can be too. As the cowardly lion learned, every act of courage, no matter how small, is one mighty roar.