Habits. We all have them. We all form and reform them.
They can be ways that we walk and talk, ways that we interact with each other, ways that we think. They can be as simple as the times we get up and go to sleep, or they can be as complex as whether we are aware of how we may or may not listen when someone else is speaking – especially someone that we don’t like, respect, or understand.
Habits shape us. But they are not necessarily who we are. And they can be changed.
Ah, you may say, such change not so easy. Indeed; some habits have been lifelong practices, such as how and when I brush my teeth. Rote behaviors, those are not quickly discarded or altered. Yet they can be altered, if we bring focus to our lives and make decisions about what we want to adapt and why.
“I can’t change,” I’ve heard people say. “That’s just who I am.”
Is how we act, the time we get up, the way we smile or frown when we walk down a hallway who we are? I don’t think so. Those habits are nothing more than patterns we have developed, practices we have learned. Some of them may be longstanding, so longstanding that we may tend to equate the practices with something innate in our character. They are not – unless we impose such a requirement.
For example: I tend to be pretty quiet when I awake in the morning. I like to have some time to ease into my day and can be grouchy if someone talks to me before I’ve completed that transition. I’ve been like that since I was a kid.
For most of my life, I assumed that my morning pattern was just me. If someone cared about me – my parents, my wife, my children – they just needed to learn to deal with my morning reclusiveness. This was just who I was. Accept it, I used to think. Or just leave me be.
What? Because I like some quiet time in the morning means that I am innately predisposed to beginning each and every day of my life like a hungry bear startled from slumber? Do I really want to ask the world to accept such a habit as a core component of who I am?
It can be fun to pick some simple habit in our daily lives, something inconsequential, and try to become aware of that habit when it occurs, even perhaps to try to change it. This could be the hand we use to open a door or wave at someone, whether we eat quickly or slowly, or how we sit in a chair. It is surprising, and certainly humbling, to notice our quirks of being, habits we have picked up along our life paths. Some are barely noteworthy, others are funny or baffling, and a few are embarrassing, annoying, or even disquieting. All can be changed.
I’ve been working on a couple of ways to be more agreeable in the morning. One solution has been to get up a bit earlier and have a cup of tea before the rest of family awakens. Another has been to laugh at the silliness of the self that I call me, to remind that silly self that all it needs to do is say “good morning” when it crosses the path of another human being before all the neurons are firing. It’s amazing how effective a soft “good morning” can be.
Hanging onto all habits isn’t an inherent necessity of my life. I certainly don’t want to stake a claim to acceptance from the world based on a few foibles of daily existence that I can change. And who knows? Once I get past some of the more simple habit hurdles, I may even be able to focus on one of the bigger opportunities for change and improvement that is possible.