When is your birthday?

I’d like to know. I also would like to know the birthdays of others we might know in common.

Why? Because I’m on a quest. It’s not a journey to remake myself; I’ve learned enough since my own birth year of 1959 to realize that December 31st resolutions should focus on more achievable tasks than a new “me”. Consequently, 2019 is a year when I hope to be able to do something a bit more prosaic. Rather than a grand self-improvement project, 2019 will be a year when I fill a single calendar with the names of people I know who were born on all 365 days of the year.

My quest shouldn’t be too epic or difficult. There are, after all, over 7 billion people alive on this planet. Surely, out of that large number, I know at least 365 people with different birthdates! And yet, earlier this week, when I began filling in dates on the tracking calendar (a free one that my wife received in the mail), some months had no entries. And then, when I started to get serious about the project after seeing so much blank space, most months still had plenty of empty dates. One month persisted with no entries. Zero.

Do I really know no one born in March? Or am I biased against those 31 days, either because no one in my immediate family was born in March or because March otherwise holds nothing special for me and hence I don’t pay attention to birth dates in that late wintry time?

It is striking to see how many gaps my calendar has. Regardless of the season in which the blank entries occur, the empty dates feel cold, like frosted, impenetrable windows standing as barriers to my probing eyes and heart. You would think that I’ve met enough people in my almost 60 years to fill out a calendar with only 365 days. No doubt I have. Maybe it’s just that I haven’t paid enough attention to all those people to learn – and remember – the date of their birth.

Have I been that self-centered?

I could make excuses. You might even make some for me. Don’t bother though: I’m actually invigorated to have the opportunity to make amends. It’s as if I’ve got a treasure map and the clues to complete it are out there, in the world, held by people like you. It’s a bit exciting to take the calendar in hand and carry it with me, in my car and in my briefcase, to try to be able to fill in one more name each day throughout the year. Will I make it? Will I have the nerve to ask people about their birthdays? Will I need to explain my interest in the subject or will I instead learn how to slip it naturally into a conversation?

By the way, when is your birthday?

Already, rule clarifications have arisen. How well should I know someone before deciding that she or he gets included in my calendar? Strangers shouldn’t count, that I’m clear about; I should have some sort of relationship with a person before listing them. Is there an amount of time though that qualifies a relationship as valid? No. I think if someone is interesting to me, if someone inspires me to want to stay in touch with him or her, even if only once a year, that person should be included.

What about people who have died? I can’t send those people a birthday card, or call them on the phone. But I can still think about them – and smile. Sure, I’d prefer to keep an active listing of 365 people who are alive, people whom I can communicate with. For my starter year, however, I’ve elected to make it easier on myself and to count those who have passed. Besides, it just doesn’t seem right not to have Mom, Dad, and various others on the calendar. So dead people are in.

How about famous people, or those in the public eye? Nope. That doesn’t work. If I don’t know someone – more accurately if someone doesn’t know me – then they should have no place in my quest.

When I leaf through my calendar, it’s a bit embarrassing to admit how many dates I still have to fill it. So I won’t. Until I’m closing in on completion, I won’t count the empty date spaces, hence sparing myself the embarrassment of telling you that, at the start, I still have at least 300 people to find. (It’s in fact a lot more than that.)

Never mind! What good is a quest if it is easy? This one, I’m quickly learning, is more challenging than I might have expected. But not to worry: I have 365 days to go. And approximately 20 million possibilities on the planet for each day of the year.

I also already know my goal for the year 2020. That’s the year when everyone on my 2019 calendar gets a birthday card.